Anthems for a Seventeen Year-Old Girl

It’s 10:46pm on Tuesday 26th July 2016 and I’m in my last few hours of being 17 years old. I’ve recently gotten home from swimming with my sister and her friend, and we swam just about 50 laps in 45 minutes – a record for me. I’m trying to get that 18 year old’s body that’s all the rage… I thought I’d take this time to reflect on my last moments of official childhood. That’s a good thought – when does childhood end? I guess when it’s midnight and I’m deemed officially an adult all across England, which is crazy because I won’t be any different to how I was a few days ago when I was 17.

I’ve learnt a lot in my past almost 18 years. I can’t recite it all now, but can you blame me? I’ve just swam 50 laps, I’m knackered. My brother and I were reflecting on primary school life a few days ago, and how much simpler things were when we were 7. Sure, I didn’t know a heck of a lot, but I did know that I enjoyed playing with a dolls house, writing stories, reading and playing with my friends. I didn’t know that I was different to anyone else which I don’t know if that was a good or bad thing, but probably good that I was oblivious. I didn’t want to know about anything. It’s crazy that I can remember things from 10 years ago like they happened yesterday. It’s kind of scary.

I don’t want to become an adult. I know that I’m still at the beginning of my life, and this is basically the beginning of me being independent, and I don’t feel old, but I also don’t feel quite ready. I mean, yes I am ready to get out there and go to uni, but if I had the chance to go back to the early 2000s, I think I’d take it. But probably only if I could return again too… I’m not sure what this reflection is supposed to be – I was planning to look back at some things from my life but when I try to come up with things on the spot I just don’t know what to talk about. I guess I’m just a little scared of getting that little bit older, because this is a big deal for me. I’m going to be 18 and sometimes I do get anxious if I’m away from my mum, but I’m also ready to deal with that and go and start living my life. I have plans that I’m not going to give up.

I remember when I was 8 and my best friend said that she’d heard on the news that the world would end in 10 years because of global warming… the world hasn’t ended, but then again, 2016 hasn’t been the greatest year so far with ISIS, Donald Trump and Brexit. I swear Pokemon Go has been the only good thing to come out of this year… something that 8 year old me would have absolutely loved.

This blog post is basically a ramble for me to remember my last moments of official childhood and then I can look back at it in 10 years and laugh, or probably cringe. I don’t even need something to remember me from when I was 17 because I’ve got plenty of other blog posts. My two previous blog posts are probably a more accurate representation of me when I was 17. I think this is more of just a countdown until I turn 18, which is in 31 minutes. I was just thinking of deleting all of what I just posted, but then I thought, no. It’s my thought process, it’s a bunch of random stuff but this is just how I am at 17, almost 18 years old.. And I’m going to turn this into a letter to my 27 year old self, who’s going to turn 28.

Dear 27, almost 28 year old me…
I hope that you’re doing well. I hope that you’re alive. Oh I really hope that you’re alive. I hope that you’re not still ruminating on what happens once you die, and the fact that everyone is going to die, and the fact that because you can’t process that then you’ve made yourself half believe that none of this is even real anyway. I hope you’ve gotten some help for that, it would probably be a good thing.

Did you get into uni? Was Hertfordshire your first choice in the end, or was it Bath Spa like you loved since you were 15? Did you study Philosophy and Creative Writing? How difficult was it? Did you study abroad for a year like you really wanted to, or did Brexit/money/your anxiety become a problem? I hope that you’ve managed to calm down your anxiety and that you can handle your Asperger’s. I’m just about getting the hang of handling my Asperger’s. I don’t really think about the fact that I’ve got it now. Yeah, it controls every aspect of my life but working on not making it an excuse for everything has helped me to just sort of get on with life.

Have you published a book yet? Or have you got your own movie or TV show out? I suppose that you probably haven’t since you’re only 27 and that’s still relatively young, but keep working on it if you haven’t. And if you have I bet that you can’t even believe that it’s your life. Am I being really naive here in thinking that you have a job in screenwriting at all? It’s the only thing I’m good at right now – I’m not cut out for a shop job. I’m volunteering at the library over this summer so that I can add it to a uni application, but other than that I’m not really good at anything but writing.

Are you still fascinated by space, ancient Egypt and dinosaurs? Did you ever get that hieroglyphic tattoo that you wanted? I got money from dad for my birthday so it’s kind of tempting to go out and get it done just to see how I react to tattoos before I get the watercolour flower that our niece drew. She’ll be 13 as you’re reading this won’t she? That’s crazy. She’ll be almost all grown up. She’ll think that she’ll be grown up but she won’t really be grown up, she’s 13! Right now she’s so cute and innocent and loves everything. She’s so happy and I hope she stays that way. I’ve just realised it’ll be 2026 when you’re reading this. That kind of freaks me out because it seems like the future! Even though I bet nothing would have changed, it’s just so weird. What number iPhone are they on now? Has Nintendo brought out any new consoles? Please don’t tell me a celebrity that I love has died. Our dog would have died by then too… I hope he didn’t suffer. He’s 11 right now so I’m kind of expecting it to happen when I’m in uni at some point. I don’t really want to think about it though.

Once I’ve finished writing this I’m going to watch a YouTube video showing me proof of evolution that I can find on my body. I hope that your curiosity about weird little things like this never stops. I hope that you’ve got your own house and filled it with bookshelves and little knickknacks of animals that our brother is probably complaining about, and I hope that you have lots of flowers and candles and artwork. Is the MCU still going by the way? What phase are they on?

Okay, I’m asking a lot of questions and I know that I get overwhelmed when people ask me a lot of questions so I’m assuming you still do. I’m going to end this here, because it’s kind of blowing my mind that I’m getting older and yet I’m still so young. It’s blowing my mind having memories from 14 years ago that I can seem to remember as clear as day, so I bet it’s blowing your mind if you even remember writing this blog post.

17, almost 18 year old me.

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