Little H (Hyperactivity & Impulsivity)

In the summer of 2009, when I had just turned 11 years old, I thought it was a brilliant idea to climb up on the side of an underpass and stand on the edge. I was pretty high up, with the only thing separating me and the road being a rail, and nothing stopping me from falling off the extremely small foot space that I had to stand on. I was right in the middle of it and jumped on the spot, pretending to jump off of it for a video that my friend and I decided to film for her a YouTube video we thought would be funny to make. I didn’t fall, of course. But I had virtually no sense of danger. I knew to look when I cross the road and to not take sweets off of strangers (which I still done when I was about 8 or 9 because I didn’t know how to say no to him), but other than that I was pretty much go, go, go with anything.

I was an impulsive and hyperactive child. I was always distracting and had outbursts of random annoying child behaviour, such as making weird noises and pretending to punch things. In hindsight, I’m really surprised that my primary school didn’t diagnose me with ADD because there was already a boy with it in my class and he and I weren’t that different. Now I’m older, my ADD has mostly subdued into daydreams and fidgeting, rather than hyperactivity. If I was diagnosed in my childhood, I’m pretty sure that I would have been diagnosed with ADHD rather than ADD, but because now I can just about manage my hyperactiveness to make it show itself in subtle things like leg shaking and I tend to daydream and lack concentration and organisational skills, I was diagnosed without the H. I still get the odd days when it will come out and show itself in its true form, and this is usually in a classroom environment. With the hyperactivity comes the impulsivity, and this now shows itself mostly in the form of talking. I agree to do things on impulse because I think it’s a good idea and don’t think it through, usually when I’m having a good day social energy-wise. But a lot of the time it will come out in the form of me buying things. I try to save my money for university which I hope to go to next year, but if you put Amazon in front of me, I will search for everything I want, and everything I want I think I need. So I buy it. I spent almost all my savings on the original Sims game expansion packs. Why? I don’t know, but I do know that I barely ever play the original Sims anymore. I don’t even have a laptop where it works, but I liked the idea of having the collection so I done it. Or I’ll do things like getting piercings or dyeing my hair. I’ve had my nose pierced twice – the 1st time was in November 2014 and my friend was going to get hers done and I was with her so I thought “why not” and got mine done. I was sort of considering it anyway. Then I had to take it out for my job in a supermarket last summer, but I missed it and when I quit the job I got it back again.

ADD can hinder a lot of things in my life. Sometimes I have a good day and got a lot of things done with good focus, but if I’m having a bad day, nothing can be done about it. I have to wait for it to pass, I will have no concentration and sometimes a lot of energy that has to come out in either the form of leg shaking, singing, making noises or going for a walk (which is usually the best option). I am unmedicated though, and chose to be because the kind of creative path that I want to follow – ADD allows my mind to wander easily which can have its perks. It also allows me to be able to have intense focus on things that I enjoy, such as writing.

I like to think of my ADD as ADHD but with a little H, like the little 2 in H2O. It may be a little, but it’s still there.

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One Response to Little H (Hyperactivity & Impulsivity)

  1. I like your description of the “little H.” I have some students with ADHD, and I can see what you’re saying. The students are normal, awesome people, but it’s definitely there.

    Brains are weird.

    Liked by 1 person

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